The Incompetent Homemaker

Dinner Conversation

2010-08-26T16:23:00.000-07:00

Setting: I'm in the kitchen loading the dishwasher before cooking dinner. Enter Oldest Child.

Oldest Child, staring at package of ground turkey: "What's for dinner?"
Me: "Worms."
OC: "MOM!"
Me: "What?"
OC: "That's gross! No, really, what's for dinner?"
Me: "Worms."
OC: "Stop it. Tell me, what's for dinner?"
Me: "What do you think?"
OC: "Um, tacos?"
Me: "Tacos, or picadillo. Which do you prefer?"
OC: "Um, picadillo."
Me: "Okay, worms it is!" :::cackle maniacally:::
OC: "Ew, I feel sick now." :::sulks away:::

No-work, non-dairy all-delish cherry turnovers!

2010-08-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

These are so good that my kids licked the plate afterwards! It has been so long since I've had turnovers, and I really miss that flaky, sweet, spicy goodness. Most turnovers are made with butter in the crust, and I haven't yet pulled together the motivation to try to make my own pastry dough with margarine.

But guess what? I discovered that Pillsbury Crescent dough is dairy-free! And guess what else? They have new dough SHEETS. One big roll of crescent dough in an un-perforated sheet! You can use them as pockets, cups, triangles, whatever. And NO BUTTER! :::swoon:::

Of course, I was immediately inspired to make turnovers. I had a bowl of fresh, pitted cherries in the fridge, which were tossed with brown sugar and cinnamon, quickly nestled into little folded triangles of dough and dotted on top with raw sugar, baked for 15 minutes and then devoured!

Nom-nom-nom-nomnomnomnom. Mmmmmm. Smile.

Here's the recipe (it's so easy, can it even be called that?)

Cherry Turnovers

2 cups fresh, pitted cherries
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 pkg Pillsbury Crescent Sheets dough
1/4 cup raw sugar

Toss cherries with brown sugar and cinnamon to coat. Unroll dough and cut into squares (I cut them at about four inches each). Stretch each square slightly, then spoon just enough cherries to cover 1/2 the square. Fold one corner across the cherries diagonally to form a triangle and pinch the edges closed. Sprinkle raw sugar over the top. Repeat with remaining squares of dough. Secretly eat the leftover cherry mixture in the bowl before someone else notices. Place the turnovers on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 15 minutes or until light brown. Enjoy!

Supper in a Dish

2010-03-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

Oy, I've been away a long while!

All of a sudden, I'm inspired to return to my blog and share with you some household disasters, or potential disasters if they were to be fulfilled. Let's start with this cookbook, "The Ultimate Cooking with 4 Ingredients" (from which I will not cook, soon you will see why).

At first I thought this book could really have potential in my kitchen. I'm often thwarted from cooking gourmet meals that impress my family and make me the envy of my friends because of my limited pantry space (well, usually I just want to fix something quick and edible).

Instead of feeling inspired, I found myself reliving the horror of the church potluck picnics of my childhood upon flipping through this book. The recipes seem to be compiled from 1970s women's magazines -- odd combinations of cubed ham, seasoning packets, cans of cream soups and an occasional bag of frozen vegetables.

For example:

Smothered Steak: 1 large round steak; 1 can golden mushroom soup; 1 envelope dry onion soup mix; 2/3 cup milk.

or Chicken Broccoli Skillet: 3 cups cubed, cooked chicken; 1 package frozen broccoli florets; 1 package Velveeta cheese, cubed; 2/3 cup mayonnaise.

or Tuna Toast... oh never mind.

I did catch them cheating on the four-ingredient rule:

Curried Red Snapper: 1 1/2 pounds fresh red snapper; 2 medium onions, chopped; 2 celery ribs; chopped; 1 teaspoon curry powder; 1/4 cup milk. A-HA! FIVE ingredients!

There were other cheating recipes, and some real doozy desserts, but I'll spare you the gory details.

Lastly, the recipe that made me throw up a little in my mouth:

Supper in a Dish: 2 bags instant rice in a bag; 1 1/2 cups cubed, cooked ham; 1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese; 1 can green peas. Sounds wonderful, super easy and perfect for busy weeknights... NOT!

If you're planning a 70s Throwback-Potluck-Barbeque, this is the perfect cookbook for you! Want it?

Total frickin' awesomeness apple pie

2009-09-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

The secret is vanilla.

There. I told you. That's all you get. Because I'm not sharing this pie. It's mine. You may not have a piece. You may just beg and drool and cry and be jealous and hate me because I'm not sharing.

I'm going to eat the whole thing all by myself. In the dark. With a large spoon. Where my family won't find me. Then I'll wash the dish. And dry it and put it away. And they won't know that the whole pie is gone until they find me in a near-coma, belly swollen, little dribble of cinnamon on my chin, babbling "oh. oh. oh. must eat pie. must not tell anyone. need more apples."

And then they will cry and beat their heads with their fists and scream at me and collapse in anguish.

Cuz I ate the rest of the pie.

It's that frickin' good.

And I'm not even going to have a glass of (soy)milk with it. Not even a scoop of vanilla So Delicious soy cream. Not a single thing gets between my lips and that pie.

Mmmmmm.... pie.

Adventures of SteamMop!

2009-07-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

My kids love infomercials. Whoever had the idea to place infomercials for household products during kids' programming on Nickelodeon is a genius, because I can't be the only mom that is hounded for stuff like Debbie Myer's Green Bags (got them), the Betty Crocker 100-piece Cake Decorating Kit (got it), and now the Shark Steam Pocket Mop, of which we are now the proud owners.

My middle child is particularly enthralled with the boisterous claims of pitchmen like Billy Mays (may he rest in peace), but I am not so fascinated, having my doubts about the quality or durability of these items. So when one day she hollered at me to come see this mop commercial while I was cooking dinner, I brushed her off. The next morning, she found me changing the baby's diaper -- "Mom! Mom! The Shark Steam Pocket Mop is on TV again! The one I told you about yesterday! It makes smoke! Come see!" I protested, "But I'm changing the baby! Hang on!" She screamed from the other room, "I PAUSED IT!" Ah, this is why we got Tivo, to make sure we don't miss an infomercial?!

Moments later I obliged her desperate pleading and watched the commercial. Oh. My. Gosh. I was instantly hooked. I had heard of steam mops before, even considered buying one last year when we got the Hoover FloorMate Hard Floor Cleaner. But I wasn't convinced then. Now, I was.

The "smoke" was actually steam pushed out of the reversible cleaning head through the microfiber towel that was washable and reusable. The unit looked light and portable, simple and chemical-free. On the other hand, the Hoover FloorMate was big, cumbersome, needed expensive chemical solutions and made A LOT of noise. I had only used the Hoover a handful of times because it was a pain to set up, slow to move around, didn't get the floor that clean, and was gross to take apart and clean out when I was done. The Shark was so easy in comparison.

I was sold.

Within an hour I had located my original receipt for the Hoover and called the store. I told them I had a FloorMate that I didn't like, and the employee simply said, "Then bring it back." I replied that I didn't have the original box, and she said, "Don't need it. Just bring it back." Woohoo for Bed Bath and Beyond's 100% Satisfaction Guarantee!

By the afternoon, I exchanged the Hoover for the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (not only was it in stock at BB&B, but it was cheaper than the other machine, so they gave me store credit for the difference!). I assembled it right away and took it to the kitchen. My kids were so excited, they started begging me for a turn to use it. I ran the first pass over my floor. Whoa. I knew my floors needed a good mopping, but we were all amazed at how clean they got (and how gross the pad was.) The next day, my kids were asking to mop the kitchen again. And the next day, we took turns mopping our tiny hall bathroom. By the fourth day, all the tile floors in the house were sparkling and the kids were trying to get the baby to drop food on the floor so they would have an excuse to mop.

--

Later in the week, we visited our favorite grocery store, where there is a kids' club playarea, supervised by a childcare worker. My kids love Miss Nicole and beg me to shop at this one store so they can play there. I must not have taken long enough with my coupons during the shopping trip, because when I finished checking out and went to pick them up, my middle child threw herself on the floor and refused to leave.

She wailed, "I didn't get enough time to play!"

I told her, "If you don't get up right now, you won't get to mop the bathroom when we get home!"

She bounced up, put on her shoes and proclaimed, "Okay, I'm ready to go!"

Nicole's jaw dropped. She turned to me with a stunned look and asked, "How did you DO that?"

I answered, "It's not me. It's the steam mop."

"Home Workspace Remodel," or "How to Find Things You Didn't Know You Lost," or "Losing 100 Pounds in Just One Day (I Mean Pounds of Junk)"

2009-07-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

My "Year of Decluttering:" the year is proceeding at a much faster pace than the decluttering is.

The kitchen was first, and was mostly done by the time January was over. Next was the "pink" room, where I took a bin's worth of stuff out and the girls didn't even notice. In March I tackled the baby's room and in one Sunday afternoon made a huge dent in there, but it didn't really come together until we got the toddler bed in June. April and May were both assigned to the "computer room" because of the massive task it was going to be.

It's now July. Um, it's not done, but I am very proud to do a partial "reveal."

Here is the "Before" picture of our desks/workspace. It was a frustrating mess of paper, it was hard to find anything and depressing to look at. See why it took two extra months to get going on this part of the decluttering?

Here is the "After" picture of our new desks and shelving units, now nicely stocked and no longer intimidating:

The new workspace is clean, organized (what an overused but precise word), inviting and serene. The stuff we want to keep is neatly put away on the shelves, we can find important things like pens, rechargable batteries, notepaper and the pencil sharpener. There is deskspace to be able to actually get some work done--indeed, I have been catching up with some postponed paperwork (and blogging) instead of just surfing the Internet. It feels so much better to be able to overcome a hurdle like this one and throw/recycle/shred away 100 pounds of paper in just one week!

There is still more to be done in the room. Some of the paper in the "Before" picture still has to be dealt with (filing and storing, but much less of it than before) and I would like to reclaim my sewing table from the pile of little projects that need gluing, mending and tying up of loose ends (crochet ends, that is). For now, I am happy to reveal this half of the room and spend the rest of July on the other half.

You may be asking, "What were June and July's project rooms, eh?" Well, June was an "Off" month, a built-in break for vacations, summer activities, and catching up--yes, I anticipated needing the extra time for the previous project rooms. July was designated for the Master Bedroom, and August for the Family Room. The kids will be back in school next month, so I think it will be a two-fer.

Look out August! I am on a roll!

The Toddler Guide to Throwing Tantrums

2009-06-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

1. Tantrums are useful for getting your point across, especially in public places. Which point? Anything that makes you upset: hunger, thirst, feeling tired, boredom, dropping Mommy's keys in the back of the cart and nobody noticing, not getting that balloon by the greeting card section and it gets farther and farther away.

2. Learn to tantrum as soon as you learn to walk. Wobbliness helps with the dramatic display and brings someone to you very quickly because they don't want you to fall and hurt yourself.

3. A word on falling: do it carefully. Avoid things like tile floors, concrete, stairs, baseboards, toilets, bathtubs, stools, edges of beds or sofas. Those are hard objects and they hurt when you smash into them.

4. Good surfaces for tantrums include carpet floors, piles of dirty laundry, soft bedding and Daddy's tummy.

5. Proper technique is key. Start with a pouty lip and loud cry. Drop your head to the floor (remember to put out your hands or you end up with a goosegg on your forehead), then swing your hips and roll onto the floor, letting your shoulder and your diaper absorb the impact. Close your eyes and wail. Scream out all your air and gasp for breath. Usually by this time someone is trying to pick you up, so let all your muscles go limp and flop backwards. If the item you want is not being wiggled in front of your face, wail again. Repeat until you are bored or an acceptable alternative is offered.

6. Effective complementary techniques at getting what you want: go quiet for a moment and narrow your eyes at the person closest to you, giving them an extreme feeling of guilt; go find a sibling or grandparent to retrieve what you want; remember where the item is and later learn to climb to reach it.

7. Lastly, remember that even though you're the baby, you are still "da boss."

What you find when the baby has been quiet for three minutes...

2009-03-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

Grrrr, I'm an Ogre!

2009-02-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Shrek baby hat:

He looks adorable in it, but he won't model it! He will only keep it on his head if his ears are cold. His real ears, not the Shrek ones.

At least I am good at something...

2009-01-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

70 words

Speedtest

I took the Wardrobe Refashion Pledge

2009-01-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

The Pledge

I, The Incompetent Homemaker, pledge that I shall abstain from the purchase of "new" manufactured items of clothing, for the period of 2 months. I pledge that i shall refashion, renovate, recycle preloved items for myself with my own hands in fabric, yarn or other medium for the term of my contract. I pledge that I will share the love and post a photo of my refashioned, renovoted, recycled, crafted or created item of clothing on the Wardrobe Refashion blog, so that others may share the joy that thy thriftiness brings! Signed, The Incompetent Homemaker.

Come see my first refashion!

Camera Case

2009-01-01T22:18:00.000-08:00

I made this camera case for my new 8.0MP Samsung compact camera that Santa brought me. (Lucky me!)

I didn't want another bulky case, because I want to keep this camera in my purse, but I didn't want to just drop the camera in those dangerous waters either. So I picked up some scrap fleece that was lying around here and whipped up this little case. The fleece is double-layered inside, with only the sides sewn together, so the inner, smaller square creates two pockets that I use for storing batteries. Two layers of soft fleece provide just enough padding for my needs. I also made a similar case with three layers for my 8-year-old's new camera, which makes her case bulkier but safer.

I leave the strap out for ease of carrying the camera. These are so quick and easy, I just might make more of them for gifts or craft swap.

Happy New (and Thrifty) Year!

2009-01-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

January first. The perfect day to go to... Goodwill! Why? Because it's open and it's Dollar Day!

I felt inspired to pick up some new clothes for my new size and the new year. I found three pairs of pants and four shirts for a dollar each. And... this handmade skirt for a buck.

It's an interesting skirt. It's a wraparound skirt, with a buttonhole on the waistband for one strap to fit through and ties in the front. The color in the photo is a bit off, but it's a pretty salmon color, with a white butterfly-and-riverbank pattern on the front panel. The other two panels are the same solid salmon color. It fits nicely, so I might copy it for other skirts!

The sewing is very well done. You can tell a lot of care went into creating this skirt. I always wonder why people get rid of handmade items that were crafted with such love and care (there are always tons of afgans in the thrift stores and not all ugly).

I was originally looking for offbeat clothing items to re-do, but I think this skirt should stay as it is. Now I just need to figure out which top to wear with it.

Win a beautiful Ergo!

2008-12-22T05:42:00.000-08:00

I have become a bit obsessed lately over baby carriers, spending way too much time scouring the for sale or trade boards on The Baby Wearer website. I have a couple of lovelies coming my way soon, which I will share with you when they arrive. I also have plans to try to make my own DIY carrier... as the Incompetent Homemaker, I'm sure there will be lots of mistakes to tell you about!

In the meantime, I had to enter this contest for a beautiful organic Ergo. I don't have one of these, but I wouldn't mind winning this one. No, I wouldn't mind at all!

Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System
from Along for the Ride

Gah! Clothesline tips over into the swimming pool

2008-09-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

...with half my diapers on it!

Imagine the scene... it's a beautiful, hot first day of fall in sunny Arizona. I'm hanging diapers on the line and feel a nice cool breeze float by. It's one of those breezes to appreciate, because it's whispering, "Fall is here, can't you feel it?" The breeze decided to play a trick on me, and took my clothesline right over, right into the swimming pool, dunking all the diapers that I had just hung as I was working my way around the line.

I turned and saw it tip, as if in slow motion, with my outstretched arms too short and too slow to catch the pole. The clothespin bag was inverted and they had started to sink by the time I was able to drag the whole thing up and out.

The dipes are all on the ground in the pic b/c I had to rush around the sides releasing them so they wouldn't pull the whole thing over again. I just opened the pins and let the diapers fall. The casualties are back in the wash right now, the rest that were in the basket are hung (evenly and on the inside lines), drying in the sun like they are all supposed to.

I know what you're all going to say: Space them out. Hang all around. Use the inside lines. Yeah, I know. It was actually pretty funny. So I thought I give you all a chuckle and share.

(Please ignore all the weeds in backyard. It's a jungle back there.)

C(razy) V(erifiable) S(avings)

2008-08-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

I am addicted. To CVS.

Yes, the pharmacy. I've just discovered an insane, obsessed cult of crazed penny-pinchers that shop at CVS for pennies on the dollar. And I've joined them.

Recent conquests:

8/22/2008
Spent $3.85
Saved $12.29
Would have been $16.14
76% off

8/22/2008
Spent $7.47
Saved $20.79
Would have been $28.26
74% off

8/25/2008
Spent $5.12
Saved $ 31.09
Would have been $36.21
86% off

8/26/2008
Spent $10.60
Saved $19.00
Would have been $29.60
64% off

8/27/2008
Spent $0.94
Saved $23.56
Would have been $24.50
96% OFF!!!!

I've got it all entered into a spreadsheet. That's how nuts this is. I'm getting stuff nearly for free after coupons and Extra Bucks. And not crap either -- name brand toothpaste, lotion, diapers, batteries, pantyliners, ibuprofen, hair care, the list goes on. Stuff we use.

Get started here. Follow along here. These ladies plan out your shopping for you!

Let me know if you get hooked too. We can swap coupons.

My next organizing project

2008-08-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

I am so going to do this for my yarn stash! Maybe I will get more projects done! (Say it with me... yeah, right!)

http://blog.craftzine.com/archive/2008/08/magazine_bin_yarn_organizers.html?CMP=OTC-5JF307375954

Never tell the Kindergarten teacher that you know how to sew

2008-08-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

Because sewing projects will be sent home.

Silly me. I filled out the parent volunteer form and checked all the boxes that appealed to my crafty side -- sewing, scrapbooking, cutting stuff up. Since I don't expect to be able to help out in class (infant siblings are quite a distraction), I thought I could do my volunteer stuff at home. Later in the year. After my freelance job is done. I didn't realize that it would be this soon. Oops.

Last week, I was asked to help sew W.E.B. bags. These are book bags that carry the little readers' "Wonderfully Exciting Books," a beginning reading program that the kids use both in the classroom and at home. Each day, the student chooses a book in their reading level (A-J) to practice reading themselves, and a storybook that they read with an adult. These books, along with a reading journal that that parents and teachers use to track the minutes read, go in the W.E.B. bags back and forth to school.

On the supply lists, the teacher asked for 1/2 yard of fabric. Eight pieces of fabric were sent home in my kid's backpack, along with instructions for the bags. I just finished them tonight. They are very simple, and stitched up quickly. The bags are held closed with velcro strips and feature a nameplate on the front (I'm gonna let the teacher use her pretty handwriting to put their names on -- I am not to be trusted with a Sharpie).

So, I took a needed break from the freelancing to get this sewing done. I think they came out fine. I hope the kids like them!

(NB: the Hannah Montana bag does not belong to my child. Although I did hide it from her while I was working on it, because she would want it for herself!)

Fresh, Easy, New

2008-08-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

I guess it's ironic that I got so excited about the debut of this new grocery store in town, and then never went after it opened. I even called a British-American friend in California to gloat that I would soon have a version of Tesco near me!

Yet each week for the last several months, the $5 coupons have entered my home, and left in the recycle bin, expired and unused.

Each week, I would see the coupon, tell myself that it was time to visit, and then forget. A couple of weeks later, I was lamenting the expiration date. Meanwhile, my friends raved about the store, making it a regular destination. I was still clueless. Until today.

Wow. I was impressed. I had heard that they have next-t0-the-door family parking spaces, good prices on organics, a nice variety of store-brand items, and yummy bottled dressings. I had also heard about over-packaged meat and produce wasting plastic, and an excess of prepared meals for lazy, I mean, busy people. What I found was an orderly store, with all the basics at eye level and good prices. The lack of visual clutter makes most other grocery stores look like gimmicky one-ride theme parks designed by Kraft & Kellogg's marketers.

They seemed to have everything we needed today. Plus lots of stuff that the kids tried to sneak into the cart but got caught and vetoed (gummi bears, chocolate powder, corn dogs). There were some protests, but we bought other stuff they like, so everyone was satisfied.

Finally, we found that all the checkouts are self-service. The girls loved helping bag the groceries, and an employee came by to give us additional coupons. I can't believe I bought seven bags of groceries for $42!

We will definitely be going back. If it weren't for the cubhouse, I might not have to shop at Basha's any more. (Well, except our Basha's has a Starbucks too. I still have priorities.)

Hot Sauce

2008-07-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

A quick story... so you know that my kitchen is jinxed, because I am not the only perpetrator of foibles here.

A beloved family member who is staying with us was cooking dinner while I was feeding the baby. After the baby was done, I went to serve dinner to the kids -- spaghetti with meat sauce, their favorite. It looked odd, but I didn't think anything of it, because I trust her cooking.

A moment after diving into the spaghetti, M commented, "This is hot." E started waving her hand wildly at her face and motioning for something to drink. I was looking at the sauce in the pot, confused. Why did she put peppers in it? Are those... jalapeno seeds?

Then it dawned on me. She didn't use the jar of spaghetti sauce I bought the other day. I peeked into the recycling bin.

There was an empty jar of Pace Picante Sauce at the bottom of the bin I had just emptied this morning.

After I picked myself up off the floor and found my breath from laughing hysterically, I served the girls plain noodles and put aside the meat sauce. Needless to say, we're having tacos tomorrow.

Ripe Mangoes

2008-07-26T23:21:00.000-07:00

Here's my Wordle "cloud:"

I've been sucked in...

2008-07-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

... to Ravelry.

Oh, lordy.

Disappearing Mango Sorbet

2008-07-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

This week we received a bunch of beautiful, ripe mangoes in our Bountiful Basket. Mmm, I love the tangy, tropical aroma of mangoes (despite being chastised by Barbara Kingsolver to consider their long-distance journey as a waste of fuel merely for one's visceral enjoyment). After reading Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, I've started to look for local produce and take the amount of energy "calories" of my fruits and veggies into consideration when shopping.

But we did not choose these mangoes. They chose us, by virtue of leaping themselves into our co-op basket.

There were these beautiful mangoes on my counter this afternoon, begging to be put to proper use and not be left to over-ripen (as their sad tropical kitchen neighbors, the black bananas, had). My oldest child came to me with sagging shoulders and a wanting expression. "Mom, can I have a snaaaaaack?"

Sure, I thought. I could whip up a lovely banana frappe with fresh mango. However, the bananas were beyond rescue. Poor things.

The mango, on the other hand, was juicy, succulent, and in season somewhere in the world (I've heard that you can't give away mangoes in Hawaii in the summer, they are so plentiful that they drip from the trees and no one wants more). We even have a relative with a mango farm in Mexico... however, lacking an import license, they can't bring them over the border.

Then the light bulb turned on: sorbet!

Here's the recipe that my kids liked so much that it's just about gone already. In one afternoon, we have each had three bowls. That's why it’s called "Disappearing" – if you have mangoes to make disappear, this will help.

(I adapted this recipe from Cuisinart's cookbook and cut the sugar in half—if your mangoes are ripe, this is sweet enough.)

Disappearing Mango Sorbet

2 cups mango chunks (approx 3-4 mangoes)
¼ cup sugar
½ cup water (you could substitute mango nectar or pineapple juice and leave out the sugar)
juice of 1 large or 2 small limes

Process ingredients down to a puree in a food processor or blender. Add to ice cream maker and freeze according to machine’s directions. Serve immediately and ENJOY!

Damn, she's good

2008-07-05T13:43:00.000-07:00

On occasion, I catch up with Soulemama and her blog of pretty, crafty things. I just saw her new creation, the Gratitude wrap. Oh my gosh. I have to make one of these for myself. Having just celebrated my son's baptism, where he received a pile of thoughtful, precious gifts from dear family and friends, I have a pile of thank-you notes to write on his behalf. I usually stuff a box of cards in my already overstuffed purse to take with me and scribble out "grazie" while waiting at dance or swim class. Now, I can make myself a cute, slim little pocket organizer to carry my supplies around and feel happier doing it.

Amanda Soule, you inspire and humble the rest of us!

Crafty goodness

2008-06-21T16:24:00.000-07:00

The spoils of another craft swap among friends:

(Left to right) Front row: felted pincushion and pins accentuated with shrinky-dink decorations; felt needle book; another felt needle book; pincushion in a hand-painted wooden box. Back row: hand-dyed gold playsilk; homemade lavendar and olive oil bath fizzies in a cute box; decoupage vase. Not pictured: my own craft, a crocheted Java Jammie (oops, forgot to take a picture--I will next time I make another).

I love this new tradition in our tribe!

Sewing lessons and clothespins capers

2008-06-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness for that rare, long baby nap!

Yesterday, while Baby C was taking one of his long naps to recover from an outing (after we had a shopping misadventure at the children's resale shop... more on that later), I decided to sew up a clothespin bag for my outdoor clothesline. Desperate times call for crafty solutions, and I had scored the last package of clothespins at the 99-Cent Store (there was a run on the clothespins while we were there, with three other customers and two employees involved, racing around the store to find them--who got to them first? My smart but rambling grandmother-in-law!)

Anyways, with Grandma watching intently, I got out some fabric, and tried to wing it through a clothespin bag, which I immediately screwed up. She asked, "What are you trying to make?" I told her, then she quietly came over and showed me how.

Man, I love her!

Fruity crocheted fun

2008-05-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

Last week we made a trip to Wildflower Diapers for some cloth diapering supplies. Hubby was completely taken in by the selection of natural toys, including a German baby rattle that he says he had as a child (we bought one for Baby C). He and my two older kids also went crazy for a set of crocheted fruits, veggies and other foods. I claimed to be able to reproduce them, and so I have...

I also made a crazy banana, but it is already lost in the house somewhere. I think I'm going to try to make an eggplant, bunch of grapes and a carrot next. The string bag was also very quick to make but it didn't come out as big as I had visualized.

I think I know what I will make for Christmas presents for our nieces!

Coming soon

2008-05-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

A reminiscence of a Super Bowl hot dog diaster from college days.
The most recent event that filled my kitchen with smoke (it was supposed to be key lime pie).
Something about how my kids are still talking about the burned pizza (and telling EVERYONE. Repeatedly.)

I'm back (sort of)

2008-05-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

The recent hiatus was due to the extreme brain laziness of the end of pregnancy, and then the extreme lack of any meaningful work besides caring for a baby... but now he's almost two months old and I have started cooking and crafting again. Which means foibles are sure to follow!

Crafty Thrifty Tea Party

2008-02-03T19:20:00.000-08:00

Mix-and-match tea set from Goodwill: $2.99.

Strawberry fabric on sale after Christmas at Joann's: $1.99/yard.

Fried egg scrap fabric from Joann's remnant bin: $1.

Two little girls playing tea party all day: Priceless.

Sometimes the changes least noticed are the most significant

2008-01-25T19:11:00.000-08:00

This is what we got in our Bountiful Basket two weeks ago.

It's gone... we ate it all. Really. (Okay, except for half of the cabbage... I don't like cabbage and have had a hard time cooking with it.)

That's an amazing accomplishment for our family. We eat well, but I tend to overbuy veggies from the supermarket and end up tossing half in the trash because they spoil too soon to be used or too late from being forgotten. Now that we are buying from this co-op, it's really transformed our meals.

Some of you may scoff and say, "Geez, that's not all that much to use up, we go through twice as many fruits and veggies in two weeks!" Well, you're way ahead of me on the green-wagon train. I start meal-planning with lots of ideas that fizzle out when it gets to five o'clock and I realize I forgot to defrost meat that day. As much as I want to eliminate convenience food from our pantry (and arteries), I still have a schedule that often puts me in front of the freezer digging for breaded fish bits or TJ's meatballs to put on top of 10 minute pasta.

This month, however, has nearly transformed my cooking routines. Now that I am not shopping for veggies on the spur of the moment, but rather forced to plan meals that take advantage of this new bounty, I have been more creative with my feeble attempts at culinary genius (or rather, competence), have wasted much less in the process from storing to leftovers, and have served meals that are more fresh and more homemade-from-scratch than ever before.

I'm still not always successful at these attempts (see above comments about cabbage--the pathetic "slaw" served to my family was met with thumbs-down, tongues-out reviews and afterwards dumped in the trash). However, the other things that came out of my kitchen this month--from the assortment of carrots, potatoes, onions, lettuces, corn, apples, citrus and berries--were all approved and requested again. My personal favorite so far was a Chicken Pot Pie. Mmmm, comfort food, soooo good.

Tomorrow's basket order will include three pounds of heirloom tomatoes and a half-pound of aged white cheddar cheese. Hubby has already put in a request for homemade tomato soup and a cheese sandwich. I hope I get this one right!

Any suggestions for canning tomatoes would be welcome. May your weekend also include a bounty!

Birthday

2008-01-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's haul:

A fancy-schmancy sewing cabinet

Prenatal Yoga cards

A new 12" covered chef's pan

$35 Joann's Gift Card

A box of used items from my mom's kitchen* - a stained coffee mug, a trivet, a pair of Christmas ornaments, a spatula (all in her latest "theme" obsession -- gingerbread men) and a three-in-one peeler. At least the peeler is cool.

A pair of pretty freshwater pearl and jade earrings from hubby's sweet auntie.

Phone calls from my parents and my sisters (apparently my bro forgot again). An email from "Borders Rewards" with a coupon. Hugs from my daughters, along with a delicious dinner of my mother-in-law's tacos, rice & beans, plus a delicious disaster of a chocolate cake for dessert.

It was a pretty good day.

Here's to my three-dozenth year!

*(I am all for saving the earth by recycling and reusing... however, my mom's gift rubbed me the wrong way. She lies and insists that these items are "new" [so that she doesn't seem as poor as she really is], she buys lavishly for herself [yet complains about not being able to afford to buy presents] and then wraps those things up for other people when she is at a loss for a gift, and expects praise and compliments on her good taste when the stuff comes out of the box dirty, used, dusty and totally ill-suited to the recipient. If I make an off-hand comment about this neurotic behavior, I am then the most ungrateful daughter in the world to not appreciate her "generosity." Huh.)

Food Processor Lesson #642

2008-01-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

Very important to remember: when incorporating liquid to a mixture in the food processor, add the liquid last, not first. For example, when chopping up frozen berries for sorbet, it is best to process down the berries first then add in the water slowly. Filling the processor bowl with two cups of water and one cup of frozen mixed berries, then turning it on, will result in pink water spewing out of every crack of the food processor all over the machine, kitchen counter and your clothes.

Better yet, for this type of recipe, use the blender.

In thanks for reading this blog, I will share the recipe that taught me this lesson, created by yours truly.

Lemon-Berry Sorbet
Created by Your Incompetent Hostess

1 1/2 cups water
1 cup lemonade concentrate
1 cup frozen mixed berries
1/2 cup sugar

Combine berries with lemonade concentrate in food processor or blender. Chop until smooth. Slowly add in water and sugar. Transfer mixture to ice cream maker. Turn on ice cream maker, for about 25 minutes until mixture is frozen to consistency of soft-serve. Eat immediately. Delicious with a little vodka mixed in at a "Girls' Night In" party (as I was told).

You know your kids watch too much tv when...

2008-01-15T07:30:00.000-08:00

You know your kids watch too much tv when they recite the entire script of infomercials back to you at random moments, like in the car on the way to school.

My kids think they need:
The Go-Duster
The Betty Crocker 100-piece Cake Decorating Kit
Blendy Pens

My kids think I need:
The Craft-Lite Cutter
The Buxton Bag Organizer
Life-Alert (I'm not sure what they are trying to say about my age with this one.)

Maybe since I am an Incompetent Homemaker, I should get my kids the Go-Duster...

All-Day Bread

2008-01-12T18:50:00.000-08:00

A new recipe I perfected this week:

Around 9 am, take an excellent recipe like this one for Oatmeal Sandwich Bread. Load all the ingredients in the bread machine pan (don't leave anything out! whew!). Place the bread machine pan in the bread machine. Set the bread machine cycle to "Dough."

About an hour later, wonder how the bread is doing. Run back to the kitchen and look in the bread machine to find a bubbling mass and notice that you did not yet turn the machine on. Turn machine on.

When the buzzer sounds the end of the rising cycle, open the cover and notice that the bread didn't rise. Warm the oven slightly, place the dough in a bread pan, put the pan in the warm oven and cross your fingers.

Entertain a friend who has stopped by while your dough hangs out in the pan for an extra long period of time in the oven, not rising. Just before the end of the rising time, get ready to leave the house. Ask friend how to rescue this poor loaf that now needs to bake but can't start yet because you have to go pick up a child from school and can't leave the house with the oven on. Friend advises putting the bread outside where it is chilly so that the yeast growth is arrested. Follow her advice and go pick up child.

When arriving back at the house, surmise that you can warm it back up and maybe help it rise a little more by putting back in a warm oven. After another 30 minutes in warm oven, give up and bake the bread according to the original instructions. By dinnertime, remove bread from oven and present it to family as Dense Oatmeal Toasting Loaf for breakfast the next morning.

Bag Lady

2008-01-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

It's a disease, a fetish, an affliction... whatever you call it, I am a packrat. However, I have a mission--to reduce the amount of clutter in my home before this babe arrives in three short months.

Today, when sorting through a drawer in the bench seat by our front door, I found 14 (fourteen) bags stuffed in there. Tote bags, mini-backpacks, a discarded purse, accessory bags from various diaper and work bags, even two plastic library promotion bags.

That's just a start. I am afraid to think of how many bags I would find if I go around the house pulling them out of all the other closets and drawers where forgotten or unused bags are stuffed and stashed.

Choices, choices...

2008-01-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

"Hello from Amazon.com,
Thanks to the recent purchase(s) you made in the Home and Garden store at Amazon.com, you are eligible to receive a one-year subscription to your choice of "Bon Appetit," "Domino," or "Gourmet" magazine (valued from $10 to $15).
"To receive your one-year subscription, please click the link below, which will direct you to a secure form at Amazon where you can sign in to your Amazon.com account, and sign up for your subscription.
"What's the catch? None. We're happy to provide our customers with the benefits of partnering with great publishers. There is no charge for this offer, and there is no automatic renewal."

I am tempted by all three. Such beauty, creativity, inspiration inside! I can't decide!

Which would you choose? Why?

Spot the Flaw

2008-01-02T07:30:00.000-08:00

A gold star to anyone who can see my mistake in the following project photo:

This was a last minute Christmas gift for my second-grader's best friend. I was crazily stitching it up before delivering at the end of the last day of school before Winter Break. I didn't realize the mistake until I was laying it out for the photo! (That's a clue.)

So I ripped out a few inches of sewing, fixed the problem, re-sewed and wrapped it, just in time to take it to school. The look on the little girl's face was worth the rush!

I also made one for my daughter, so she and her BFF have matching tote bags. The inspiration was also from the latest craft swap, courtesy KM-S. Thanks, my friend!

(Here's the tote bag pattern, in case you like it.)

Sassy Shirt Shopping Sacks

2008-01-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

I promised several people that I would post pictures of this soooo simple craft project when I was done. Well, with all the crafting before Christmas, and the cleanup after, I just got back to my t-shirt project.

My friend Marie introduced me to this idea at our last craft swap (which is such an amazing ritual, I highly recommend it for your group of friends). She used the Martha Stewart pattern, and I found the t-shirts at Goodwill (I love thrifting!).

The project took me about $1.50 and 5 minutes per bag. I liked the sassy tees, but it would also be a lot of fun to use fabric markers or paint and let your kids decorate the bags too!

(Sorry about the photo quality, I am not a photographer! Also, the mini sewing machine on the left is my daughter's. Mine is under the purple tee next to it.)

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

It's New Year's Eve, and we have planned an evening at home. It's what we always do, stay home, put the kids to bed and then flip channels past infomercials and drunken stage acts until Dick Clark counts down to the ball drop. This year, my kids have decided they want to stay up with us. We shall see if they make it!

To celebrate and make this eve memorable, I decided to cook a special dinner. I hope not to disappoint you, if you were looking for another humorous mishap, but it came out perfect. What a relief, to have something go right in the kitchen every once in a while, and most especially, when it counts on a holiday.

The menu:
Mango Pork Chops (I left out the peaches from the recipe because my four-year-old is allergic to them.)
Potato Pancakes (Hubby had requested latkes recently, so this was the night.)
Steamed Broccoli

Since it was so yummy, I wanted to share the recipes with my friends and readers. I was inspired by the beautiful mangoes that came in our co-op basket this week (thanks to Bountiful Baskets!). The pork chops came out moist and full of both tart and savory flavors. The latkes were so good we all had seconds and stuffed ourselves silly.

Now I am going to plant myself on the couch with a bottle of Martinelli's and giggle at the ridiculous programming automated for your pleasure this evening.

In honor of the occasion, I wish for you success at every endeavor you choose. A toast to the year gone by, and cheers for the year to come!

Where there is smoke, there is...

2007-12-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

...me, in the kitchen.

This is a regular scenario in my home. I am in the kitchen cooking dinner. My husband comes home and the first words out of his mouth are, "What's burning?"

Tonight we had pizza for dinner, by request of the kiddos. My seven-year-old made sure to ask me at the store while we were buying the ingredients, "Mom, please don't burn the pizza this time, okay?"

I didn't, not this time. But the last time, well, that's what prompted her to say that.

About three weeks ago, hubby and I were heading out to a concert in Tuscon, about two hours south of where we live. On a rainy Monday night. He had to rush home from work, and the plan was that we would eat dinner quickly, then get on the road. His brother was coming over to babysit.

The girls asked me that day for pizza for dinner. Easy-peasy, I thought. We picked up some yummy Amy's brand pizzas at the store and pre-made salad. We got home, I popped the pizzas in the oven and dumped the salad in a bowl.

Then I remembered that I needed to print out the directions to the venue. So I went to the computer to mapquest the theatre. See a pattern here? Me on the computer=fire in the kitchen.

A few minutes later I rushed out of the room and raced to the kitchen to get the pizzas out. Too late. When I opened the oven door, smoke billowed out and immediately filled the room. My kids and brother-in-law hopped off the couch and coughed out, "What happened?"

Not understanding how they could miss the OBVIOUS evidence of burned pizza, I cried out, "I ruined dinner!" My husband had just arrived home from work, saw the horrible look on my face, and announced, "I'm going to McDonald's. What do you want from there?"

Even Happy Meals didn't fix the kids' moods. They had wanted pizza that night. We left for the concert with my two children's eyes watering from a combination of disappointment and smoke inhalation.

The next day, I was folding laundry that had been left on the couch from the day before. Something wasn't right... I picked them up and inhaled the scent of burned pizza, captured in my family's pajamas and socks.

So today, I was very attentive to the pizza in the oven, not leaving the kitchen except to announce that it was perfectly cooked and ready. I hope the previous homemade pizza disaster will now be forgotten.

(Fat chance, I know.)

(Would you believe, that my brother-in-law peeled off and ate the unburned toppings from the charcoal pizzas that night?)

Lucky Pie

2007-12-29T19:29:00.000-08:00

Christmas dinner was a prime example of my ineptitude, hidden by stunning good luck and a little (desperate) ingenuity.

The menu:
Turkey (a 12-lb. organic, free-range bird ordered from my favorite butcher shop)
Cornbread stuffing
Mashed potatoes
Green salad
Homemade sourdough rolls
"Frantically Getting Ready for Christmas" Blackberry Pie
"Safeway Lied to Me" Banana Cream Pie

The guests: my husband's parents and his older brother, in addition to my family of four. Cooking for seven people, not too bad. Right?

Wrong.

The results, broken down:

Turkey -- Ingredients: check. Oven bag: check. Roasting pan: check. Okay, so far so good. Seasoned with white wine, vegetable stock, garlic, salt & pepper. Outcome? Dry. Now I realize what I forgot--to add some fat. At Thanksgiving, I also used olive oil to baste the turkey. That one was moist. Oops.

Cornbread stuffing -- Thank you, Mrs. Cubbison, for making this easy for me. Followed the instructions on the box, stuffed the bird, and the stuffing came out just fine. At least this dish was, um, uneventfully average.

Mashed potatoes -- While the peeled potatoes were boiling, I was on the phone with my husband trying to direct him to an open grocery store to get some last minute forgotten items. Sitting at the computer looking up holiday hours meant that I couldn't smell the potatoes burning on the other side of the house. He walked in, empty-handed from the fruitless driving around, and helped me rescue some of the spuds from the smoking pot. We smelled each one to detect any residual odor, and found that the majority of the batch was fine and only the bottom layer was black and stuck. After washing out the pot, I mixed them up with more veggie stock, salt & pepper, and the dish was passed around the table without a question or comment, except "Yum." Whew.

Green salad -- If I had the talent to screw this one up, then I wouldn't even bother with the rest of dinner. You'd find me at Boston Market instead.

Homemade sourdough rolls -- I love Krusteaz Sourdough Bread Mix. I put the mix in my bread machine with warm water and the yeast packet, set the dough cycle, then split the dough into little balls, let rise, then bake. So easy, and without starter. Except... the box must have been in the cupboard for a while. Actually, a long time. The included yeast packet was a dud. The rolls didn't rise, and we actually ended up with little unleavened flat sourdough-flavor bread disks. (Note to self -- remember to use fresher yeast with the other box still in the cupboard.)

"Frantically Getting Ready for Christmas" Blackberry Pie -- My kids spent the night of the 23rd on a sleepover at their grandparent's house. My in-laws made this offer so hubby and I could get ready for Christmas without little elves getting underfoot or making ourselves stay up all night. Since we had this time, I decided to get a head start on Christmas dinner by making dessert a day before. My preschooler had requested blackberry pie, so I had bought two pie crusts and two cans of berries. I had intended to make two pies with crumble topping, rather than one two-crust pie. Well, I should have bought four cans of berries. First mistake. After pre-baking both crusts, I realized that I would only get one pie's worth of filling. Second mistake, not being able at this point to make a two-crust pie. So I went forward with the crumble topping idea... which didn't crumble, but congealed into a batter. I dropped this by spoonfulls on top of the berries and baked it anyways, hoping for the best. It turned out alright, more like a "betty" than anything else. (The name is a nod to the film "Waitress," which you should see if you like to eat pie.)

"Safeway Lied to Me" Banana Cream Pie -- Since I had a leftover baked pie shell wrapped up in the fridge, I decided on Christmas morning to use it for banana cream pie. Except, I didn't have all the ingredients for the quick version (namely, banana instant pudding). This (along with milk, eggs and margarine) was one of the things for which I sent hubby to the store. I called all the surrounding grocery locations, and only found one Safeway that was open on Christmas day. The recording said they were open from 8 am to 2 pm. Hubby arrived at 1 pm to a throng of angry people ready to break in the doors of the store, which had closed at noon. There was a feebly scribbled note taped to the door announcing the revised hours. The steady stream of disappointed shoppers including several husbands clutching paper lists and cell phones, sighing head-shaking grandmothers moaning over missing ingredients and a pair of rednecks cursing with multiple inappropriate adjectives and nouns because they couldn't find a single open mini-mart or grocery store to buy beer. Forced to improvise, I decided to make the custard for the pie from scratch. With Eggbeaters. Except I only had egg-white Eggbeaters. Not good. With hubby dutifully asking if he could help in the kitchen, I set him at the stove whisking the custard. And whisking. And whisking. And complaining that his arm hurt from the whisking. The custard wasn't thickening. My mother-in-law arrived, so I put her to whisking. And it still wouldn't thicken. Hm. So I added cornstarch, and wow! It thickened! Like that! Once it was thick enough, I poured the "custard" over the bananas in the pie shell and chilled it. The mixture tasted fine, but it wasn't the best banana cream pie I've ever made. I blame Safeway.

It all made for an interesting and memorable Christmas dinner. My eternally hard-to-please father-in-law gave me probably the best compliment to date: "Michelle, by the time you're sixty, you'll learn to cook." I guess that means I am on my way.

I hope you had a happy, and successful, Christmas feast!

Introduction

2007-12-26T15:17:00.000-08:00

I put on a good show, but the truth is that I suck at what I do.

This may not always be true, but I seem to always be attempting projects requiring more skill than I possess, and I have never taken classes to be able to refine any of the skills I wish to have. I mostly learn from flailing about, making mistakes, living life.

I don't get how some people are just born with talents. Like beautiful singing voices, or ears that tell fingers where to find musical notes on a piano. Some people can bake a gorgeous loaf of bread every time, or whip up knitted socks before I have even finished asking them where they bought that fabulous yarn.

I am envious.

So I plod along, doing what I know how: following recipes, puzzling out a crochet pattern, ripping stitches out of my sewing over and over, trying to get things right.

Sound familiar?

Then my blog is for you, too. Welcome!